never good enough

parents and their expectations. a challenge faced by every single student in the world unless u have really cant-be-bothered parents who dont give a damn about their children's results or u're an orphan. Whatever it is, parents and their expectations. It's always not good enough. And it's not like I didnt do well. I have fucking 5Bs and what do I get in return?

Mum: I'm proud of your results (in a rather reluctant tone)

and after that...

Me: Dad, XX also has 5Bs and last year she didn't do too well
Dad: See... Everyone's improving. You're the only stagnant one.

Well, thanks alot parents. You really made it seem like I didnt do well enough for you all to be proud of me. I bloody got 2nd class upper, a feat that isn't simple fyi. People's lives and their futures have been ruined because they haven't gotten 2nd class upper and now you're implying that I haven't done well enough???!! i mean WTF... people are getting into polys and ITE and your son bloody got all As in his majors exams. Maybe I shouldnt have gotten that bloody best student award for first year then maybe you wouldn't have such GREAT expectation for ur son. but whatever la.. it doesn't matter anymore because now, I feel crap. I feel like i've let you guys down. I feel like we moved to foreign land for nothing. Thanks alot.. the whole year of slogging came to this and you just made me feel like it wasn't good enough.

Or maybe it's just me and my paranoia and my expectations for myself. but whatever it is, it was a mistake getting the best student award. should never have gotten it. hate my life, hate my world, hate expectations, hate myself for me.